The Prince Of Tides

The Prince Of Tides: Our Own Hidden Secrets

As people who want to help others, as online advice givers, oh to hell with to so called professionals, as Online Counselors…a quiet question lingers…

“What secrets do YOU hold Lowenstein???”

If you have ever seen the movie “The Prince Of Tides” you know what I’m talking about. If not…watch it a few more times…

If you have NEVER seen this most blessed of all psychological BS flicks than GO RENT IT TONIGHT!

It deals with the holding on to the past, even when it is bad, ever horrible, because it is the only past we have.

We cover up, lie, deny, cuss, cheat, steal, runaway, and commit the most hideous acts of violence all in the name of protecting those most precious thoughts.

Nick Nolte and Miss Barbara gave their best performances in this lesser known but well respected movie. It gives everyone a better sense of who we really are on the planet, no matter our station in life, yeah face it, we all have our station…

It also shows the horror of child abuse and rape, while holding on to family values, though in the movie they aren’t the correct values.

To put it bluntly, we all have secrets…how far are you willing to uncover yours to be a better counselor?

Give out a free email address? Call someone, risking Caller ID? Talk to their significant other? Talk to their PARENT??????

Maybe none of the above…

Does that make your advice any less valuable? NO…

You have right to privacy, but the person you are counseling has rights too…

That’ll be covered in another post…but for now let’s deal with your rights.

You have the right to protect your personal information…banks, jobs, family all the usual BS.

You have the right to voice your opinion…but, you may at some later date be called to the rug over it…(been there, done that….it ain’t pretty, but if you are right it is worth it.)

You have the right to ask for more information, though not personal, just in reply to what you have been asked.

You have the right to refer to a PROFESSIONAL for further advice. This is a right we ALL need to use over and over again.

Unless you are a certified professional with degrees, you, at times, need to refer to one. Not getting in the Ad-Sense “Call Joe Smith CSW….he’ll cure all your ills” Google ads BS…

But to give the advice that “You should really talk to your doctor” or “You need more help than I can give you…I have a hotline number that can help…it’s…..”

Sometimes the best that we can do is refer to someone else, I’ve referred to other regulars on Wondir as well as to professionals.

Hey, I’m not a woman, I can’t tell you much about the feelings of pregnancy…but I can tell you to talk to So-And-So.

Now, there are areas we know, there are areas we can research, and there are areas in which we are of no help at all. You know it, I know it.

But I’ve seen it so many times when someone has to stick their nose into something they know NOTHING about and just throw in a little BS to boil the waters. It happens on Wondir all the time. (Thank God for good moderators!)

A lot of the time we let our own experiences dictate how we respond. We let our own opinions lead us in how we advise others, especially kids and teens. And to the kids and teens this is not fair at all.

While we can use those experiences to guide our advice, we can’t dictate to them what they can and cannot do.

Offer options, advice, guidance. No scriptures, condemnation, don’t laugh at them, criticize them, don’t condemn them.

Let them make the choices. Do you as a zealot think God is going to reward you for pressuring someone into believing something they really don’t? Not saying you are wrong, but if it is not their choice, it must be yours alone. In the end, no one wins. And maybe a child walks away from God, or worse…dies.

We bury what needs to be, only to have it come back later to be finally dealt with. That’s not what we do in online counseling. We try to get a person stable, happy and healthy…moving on with their life. Then if we are so inclined we can express religious convictions at a latter date. For now just keep them alive, happy and willing to see the next sunrise.

Anything less then that is wasting the time of all of those of us that truly care and want to help and it is wasting the time and life of those that need our help.

It all boils down to “If you aren’t part of the solution, you’re part of the problem”

Sorry if that’s a little too rough for the trolls and smart-asses, but that is how it is and how it has to be.


For now, as I’m fond of saying: Be Safe, Be Happy, But MOST OF ALL…BE YOURSELF!!!





Cross-posted on Bond Hunter's Guide To Online Counseling & Resources